My weight loss reality.

For a long time now I have really wanted to lose weight but have never been completely honest about my habits and as a result have not lost any weight until now. I think I struggle because I am not obese, I have always been within a normal/healthy weight range so I never though I was unhealthy or out of shape but that is totally not true. About 2.5 years ago I started working-out in what I would call a regular basis. Going to the gym somewhere between 3-5 times a week but not with much consistency. I Though I have had a gym membership pretty much since I started HS (Fall 2002) I have never really worked-out with any regularity. In high school I took raquet sports, a complete joke of a gym class. It is exactly what you think raquet sports class would be; we played badminton, tennis, and raquent ball but of course not very well and not with much seriousness. It has been since the first of the year, 2009 that I have truly made an effort to lose weight. My start weight at that time was 132, I don’t really watch my weight but my all-time high was inching towards 140. According to BMI calculations I should be within 99 to 124 pounds. I keep telling myself that I really don’t have that much weight to lose, that I couldn’t really lose much but that’s not true either. I can literally grab handfuls of fat on my thighs, waist, smaller handfuls on my arms, back, etc. I keep telling myself that I just need to increase my work outs and that I should be able to eat whatever I want but this is completely not true. I don’t think I really eat bad things, which is good but I have a huge appetite. I can pretty much always eat, it is rare when I am completely satiated after a meal, I snack before I eat a meal, if I am invited to a friend’s for dinner I eat before hand because I don’t know when we will actually eat, I eat before I am invited over to a friends if I am not sure there will be food, I never leave food on my plate, if my husband doesn’t finish his meal I usually will or can… I can go on and on. To be fair I am not a complete pig but my body is very sensitive to food. If I don’t eat something by 6:30/7pm I and everyone around me knows. My body is very food driven. I have been telling myself for so long that this is just me and that I don’t have control over it but I do and my next big goal is to decrease the amount of food I take in.

I like to weigh in the first of each month, as of Monday the 3rd I weigh 121 pounds. I am pretty stoked about it. I know that the number is not the most important factor but I lots of my older clothes are fitting better, and lots of my newer clothes are not. I still have a ways to go before I am completely happy with my body but I think I am finally on my way. I don’t really have a weight goal in mind but I think I could lose another 10-15 pounds and be where I want to be. J and I last night after trivia, 121.

Goals:
1. I want to look good in a bikini
2. I want to be in good shape in my golden age
3. Run at least one mile in 8 minutes
4. Finish a half marathon by the time I am 27
5. Finish a full marathon by the time I am 30

the LAST Tom Robbins book I will ever read

This is the LAST Tom Robbins book I will ever read. The first book I read of his was Even Cowgirls Get the Blues and I loved it. It was quirky but was a fun loving, feminist adventure story. Unfortunately the movie sucked but I really did love the book. Because I liked the book so much I decided to read Still Life with Woodpecker and I absolutely hated it! Tom Robbins is a male chauvinist that presents himself as a feminist, in touch with his sexuality. I think it is total bullshit. And, it’s not that I am offended with his books, and his characters putting leaves up their asses or whatever sexual detail he wants to include it just never seems to add anything to the story. It always seems as though he is shooting for shock value, and it’s not shocking. It is ineffective. Though I hated Still Life with Woodpecker I guess I was looking for another Even Cowgirls so I tried Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas –wtf?! It wasn’t as bad as Still Life but still wtf? And for two reasons 1) my husband said it was Tom Robbin’s best book and 2) because I enjoy pain I decided to read Jitterbug Perfume. Does TR actually believe all of this shit? Does he make this shit up? This book just made me angry.

So, in conclusion Jitterbug Perfume is the last Tom Robbins book I will ever read. I can with great certainty say TR sucks and I don’t like him.

All the things I want to say but can’t

I am applying for nursing school and have to answer a pretty basic question about my motivation and experience and why they should let me in. I am feeling very conflicted because 1) a nursing degree is only a stepping stone to what I really want to do – Midwifery and 2) I am really not happy with the state of our medical system (I am speaking mainly about the state of insurance and how that affects your health care) and though I realize midwifery is within the health care system, my goal would be to work outside of the medical care system as much as possible. So that may sound pretty bad when applying to nursing school.

I want to be a midwife because I feel like it gives woman back the power that medical intervention has taken under the guise of better, more efficient, more comfortable care. I want to be midwife because I want people to feel connected and more personally I want to feel connected. I have worked in an office environment and communicate so much by phone and email and really have no connection to anyone I work with. In my life I want to have a real, meaningful connection with people. I want to be a midwife because in my heart of hearts I believe having a natural childbirth is better than a hospital birth.

I am completely amazed that America has the highest mortality rate among infants and mothers among developed nations. How can that be? We also use midwives less often than any of the other developed nations.

To some extent I get it, having a baby is painful and woman would rather not experience the pain when medical advances have made it so woman can have a painless delivery. I get that. I guess I am most bothered that the risks associated with planning deliveries, inducing labors when it is not medically necessary, drug intervention are not really discussed. I am bothered that woman can elect for a cesarean, woman can pick a delivery date. Birth is a totally natural process that will work itself out if you just let it. Of course not in every case. Of course, there are instances where medical intervention is necessary and of course I support this. There are cases of high risk pregnancies where natural childbirth is not recommended.

I guess more than anything I feel like woman are not getting all of the facts. Or just plain out being lied to. One woman I knew had her first child via emergency cesarean, with her second child her doctor told her that because she had a cesarean with the first child she will have to have one with the second. As a mother I would have never questioned that, why would you? As I am getting more interested in natural childbirth and the use of a midwife I come across memoirs of woman who say they felt really bullied into having a cesarean when it was not necessary and wanted and did have a homebirth for their second child. I feel like woman are being guilted into or scared into things they may or may not have wanted to do.

I just want woman and families to have all of the information and be able to say I understand all of the risks and I still want the epidural, the episiotomy, etc.

And maybe this is sad but I watched this Ricki Lake documentary and this is what made me want to be a midwife.


We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong.
~Laura Stavoe Harm

The Compact

I have now heard a couple stories on the radio about ‘The Compact’ originally started by a group in San Francisco with a few basic principles:

• To go beyond recycling in trying to counteract the negative global environmental and socioeconomic impacts of disposable consumer culture and to support local businesses, farms, etc. -- a step that, we hope, inherits the revolutionary impulse of the Mayflower Compact.
• To reduce clutter and waste in our homes (as in trash Compact-er).
• To simplify our lives (as in Calm-pact)

They achieve those basic principles by

#1 Don't buy new products of any kind (from stores, web sites, etc.)
#2 Borrow, barter, or buy used.

Their blog has a lot more details about what is okay, what are some exceptions, etc.
I am not sure that I am ready or willing to take the full plunge but I have noticed since I found an awesome Goodwill that I am shopping there more and more and buy new less and less. I am finding that this could potentially have a huge impact on my budget. I am progressively cheaper. For instance I find myself saying; that would cost $3 at Goodwill.



Even when things should be no-brainers I found myself planning on buying new. The most recent example is I need a TI-83 graphing calculator for the stats class I am taking this summer. I am currently holding $50 of staples rewards cash and was going to dish out the additional $30. A woman in class mentioned she found hers on ebay for $25, so although I am not very good at winning ebay auctions, I did find one on Craig’s List for $30. It’s about 25 minutes away but well worth it. There are probably a ton of these used one semester by a once college student and will be buried in someone’s closet for the next decade. I know I am one of them; unfortunately I seemed to have misplaced mine. Now I can spend my $50 at Staples for fun stuff.

Things like Freecycle, ebay and Craig’s list are making it much easier to buy used. I am starting to get a little annoyed at ebay. It seems as though there are people who are intentionally driving up the prices. I don’t think these people are actually purchasers. The other day I noticed a user bidding on several auctions I was watching. Who needs more that one graphing calculator? I really hope these people are not placed by the seller that would really stink. If you want more money, just increase the minimum bid. On a side note, I know I could go to eBay and find the Pyrex of my dreams but for Pyrex in particular the hunt makes me happy.
However, I do find myself wanting new things, not necessarily new but specific things like I have been eyeing this pair of Saucony fashion sneakers. I know I don’t need them, but I really want them.
My list of exceptions:

• Bras, underwear, socks
• Running shoes/sneakers
• Work-put attire
• Food, drink, of course
• I think professional services are a no-brainer; plumber, mechanic, message, etc The Compact website mentions professional services and says to not over do it. Not that I get regular pedicures or massages but I also feel that doing something good for the environment shouldn’t be a punishment. If you want to get a message every week, it’s your money, and I think it fundamentally abides the compact because you really aren’t consuming anything, a couple tablespoons of old maybe.
• I do buy a lot of kitchen supplies; glasses, plates, I collect vintage Pyrex but if I really needed something specific i.e. bundt cake pan, I might check around a few thrift stores that I go to regularly and are in the neighborhood and would hope to find one but there is a point when your effort in finding the item has a bigger carbon effect on buying something new.
• Yard/home remodel stuff. I am in the midst of a home remodel and everything in our house, including our yards will be new. I hope that I will be able to buy used/recycle ie we are using a tree we cut down to make wood chips in our backyard. We are salvaging our wood floors and a claw-foot tub but not much else. Most everything will be bought new. But in some ways that is good i.e. new toilets that are low-flush or have the #1/#2 option, buying new more efficient appliances, weather proofing windows and doors, etc.
• Ink, toner, office supplies, craft. More than anything I don’t even know where you would buy these items used. Occasionally, I see scissors, yard, etc at the thrift store but never really the right things…

I am sure I will have more exceptions…

Summer Blockbusters 2009

1. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

This was my first summer blockbuster of 2009 and I was really disappointed L I usually really love the X-Men movies (the last one is my favorite) and Wolverine is my favorite character. The plot was pretty weak, the action was lame, and I didn’t feel connected to any of the characters. I am not knowledgeable about the comic book series and not sure how closely if at all they followed that plot. One thing I do know is that if that’s the best Wolverine origin story they could come up with I hope this is the first and last of the origin series. If you really want to see it wait for it on DVD, don’t waste the money.

2. Star Trek

I am not a Star Trek watcher; I can honestly say I have never seen an episode of Star Trek. This is not a movie that I was interested and was not planning on seeing it. My husband talked me into in and I loved it! I had heard that a lot of Trekkies did not like the movie because it did not follow the original series and tried too hard to appeal to a bigger audience, and that it did. I thought the action, plot, actors were great. There were lots of things I didn’t really get and my husband had to keep telling me when there was a reference to the original series but I still loved it. I am now in love with Spock and Vulcan powers. Live long and prosper words to live by. Go see it now!

3. Terminator Salvation

First, I have to start by saying I have only see Terminator 2, I never saw the first one so I went in without having all of the background information. I had really high expectations because I really loved the second one, thought it was way ahead of it’s time and the trailer looked awesome. Unfortunately, I was pretty disappointed. Overall, the movie was okay, the action was pretty good, the plot was lacking, and I don’t know if they want Christian Bale to do his Batman voice or if that’s his new thing, I felt like I was watching a Keanu Reeves movie. Within the context of Batman movies it’s okay but that’s it. I normally love Christian Bale; he was awesome in the Machinist. Sam Worthington played the hunky star; I thought he was really great. He’s relatively unknown; I would like to see more of him. Maybe a matinee movie, wait for the dollar theatre, if you really want to see it, I would see it in a theatre not at home.

4. Angels and Demons

I have not read any of Dan Brown’s books, not something that I am interested in reading. This is not a movie that I would have put on the top of my list to watch but my husband wanted to see it so we went. I had pretty low expectations. Overall, the movie was pretty entertaining. My husband is an architecture student so it was really interesting to watch Tom Hanks run around Rome visiting a bunch of Bernini’s buildings and sculptures. I thought the outcome was amazingly ridiculous. It was so off the charts unbelievable that it really ruined it for me. Like I said I didn’t read the book so I don’t know how closely it followed the book but the ending was just silly. If you have read the book, know what’s going to happen and are just looking for some entertainment, go see it. If you have high expectations, you might want to skip this one.

1 out of 4… Not the best start to summer movies.

Movies I am really looking forward to:

1. Away We Go: The trailer is awesome, the movie looks so fun and heartbreaking but happy. Dave Eggers is one of the writers of this movie, that makes me so happy. His first book A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius was good but he has another book that I really love called Teachers Have it Easy. It is one of the reasons I decided to not be a teacher.

2. Where the Wild Things Are?: I think anyone who loved this book as a child or adult is exciting about this movie. I am no different. This movie is directed by Spike Jonze, who I love, is sure to deliver.

3. Inglorious Bastards: There are great things being said about this movie, it was the movie to see at Cannes this year. I have heard nothing but good reviews. I have heard it is Tarantino's bloodiest film, Brad Pitt is the lead role, what's not to love?

Compost Happens

I just heard a story on Market Place about the mayor of San Francisco making an attempt to mandate compost and I think it is so wonderful. My city, Denver, is doing a composting pilot program that my neighborhood is a part of. The city picked five neighborhoods representative of the city as a whole. It is unbelievable how much of our trash can be composted or recycled, very little goes to the landfill. I do wish Denver recycled more plastics. I can’t believe more cities aren’t initiating composting programs. I think it would be a great business venture. You can do compost collection, change a fee, similar to people who are not services by city waste removal, and then sell the compost. Sounds like a win-win.

8 True Things

I was inspired by this blog, to write this…


8 True Things

1. There are so many cute, crafty things that I want to do but when I get home I usually end up eating dinner and curling up on the couch with my hubby to watch a movie. Recently I learned to crochet; I can do that and watch movies… I really hate it, I want to be more crafty, do more on our remodel, and I just can’t get motivated.
2. I hold people to a really high standard, and for the most part I know it’s unrealistic. I know it’s unrealistic but at the same time I don’t want to surround myself with people that I don’t believe in, trust, admire, etc. I have ruined a lot of good friendships because people disappoint me. There are a few a really regret, some I am happy about. It’s the ones I regret that really bother me.
3. I have never really challenged myself. For the past year or two I have wanted a physical challenge, and for me that meant running a ½ marathon. It has been two years since I started saying this and I am hoping to run my first ½ marathon in October. My degree is in education and my program was pretty easy (sorry, I don’t mean to be offense to anyone who may have struggled in a similar program), I feel as though I probably never pursued any other career options because they might be have been difficult. Now, 3 years later I am planning to go back to school in a field I am really interested in, and dare I say a degree program that may be challenging.
4. I wish I had a strong family support system. I could say a lot about this but I don’t really want to get into it. A lot of this probably relates to my no. 2. But the truth is I am not really close to anyone in my family, and I don’t feel like I can go to my family for support, help, etc. My little brother, who is 16, is actually moving in with me for a while because of how bad his home life is (my previous home life). It makes me really sad.
5. I am struggling with my need for my career and my desire to have a family. Right now I don’t think we want kids but I just don’t see how we could have kids and keep my career intact. There is a really great book called The Bitch in the House that speaks to this issue exactly. Women in my generation, in my mother’s generation are now expected to have a career, but still remain a housewife, child care provider. I know we are not in a position to have kids, we probably won’t even think about it seriously for another five years, but this is really weighing on me. I guess I want to be able to do both well, without one or the other suffering, and I just don’t think that’s possible.
6. I miss music. When I was in high school I went to shows every weekend, The Nile was my home. My freshman year of high school I moved to a very, very small town in PA and I didn’t have a car. I only went to two shows the whole year, as many as I went to during Christmas break at home… I just kinda got out of the music scene, and the scene I was into kinda died, ska, but I still really miss going to see bands play, finding new bands, etc. Now I feel old going to certain shows…
7. I don’t feel like my image reflects who I am inside. When I started working in offices (sophomore year of college), I started wearing what I thought was appropriate work attire without wearing things that I necessary liked. Little by little I am working on finding a happy middle, and adding to my wardrobe. This also extends to my hair, tattoos, etc. I would like my hair to be more fun, for a lack of a better word. I would like a lot more tattoos, (working on that). But I also feel like I have been me for so long that it would be weird to up and change the way I dress, do my hair, etc.
8. I can’t wear white! I would really like to but I have sweat issues…. This is gross but it is true. A while back I started using this stuff called Certain Dry, you don’t sweat at all, and that started to freak me out, so I stopped, and now I just sweat a lot. Most of the time I don’t mind except when it comes to wearing white. All of my white tops have sweat stains and after a few wears I have to get rid of them.

I am suppose to write ten of these, but feeling really good about my 8. I am going to stop here.